Vicissitude: Bipolar Disorder and its ups and downs

This is a diary of present and the past by a man who being Bipolar is just part of his life Each post is in two parts first is everyday diary and second is a kind of continuous diary of my past

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Being Bipolar is just part of my life.

Monday, April 24, 2006

More practical

Today I went to see an old friend. A very old friend actually. I knew him from my first year at the elementary school. Only for the first year. I searched his name in the net and found him. Thirty six years had passed and now we were meeting again. I had his address so I made a phone call and let him know I was coming. He runs a publishing firm and he owns a bookshop. I wondered whom I were going to meet. I had some ideas and some expectations and I was so happy at what I found. A very nice guy. Talkative, matured, and fun to be with.
We were a poor family but my father insisted on sending me to best private schools in the vicinity of our house. V.R. (my friend) had been brought up quite well and under good standards and he shows that too. His mother being a teacher had had great influence over his life. Well these are what I gathered from our short first meeting (about two hours). He looked ten years younger than me. I will talk about him more in the future. I hope he will be one of my regular friends whom I am going to see more often.
Now back to things about Bipolar disorder this blog is all about. I have a lot to say about it and would like to share my experiences with you. A long time has passed since my last post and a lot of things been going on.
For one thing Bipolar Disorder is just a name for a combination of similar disorders. In other fields of medicine they name an illness this and that and you have a medicine that relieves or cures it. But in this case it differs in individuals.
I have been diagnosed Bipolar now a few years but of course like many it goes back to when I was much younger. I have gone through many books, web pages of information and weblogs in search of better insight. Even history. And I understand we all have our own account of the thing.
I received many helping hands and now I would like to share my experiences. If you go through my posts you find that I have been through a lot. And I have adopted methods to deal with and control my moods and now I am living a life without meds. Of course I don’t recommend no meds scheme to anyone but step by step one can at least reduce to mere side help rather than doping deeply and be driven and powered by them. It is not that hard but it needs time effort and an understanding doctor. The chemical imbalance may still be with me but it does not control me and it doesn’t affect my everyday life. In approaching it this way I feel my personality has somehow changed. That is another story and I'll go into that in future posts.
Seeing others suffer not only of Bipolar but also other problems similar has always made me sad. Oh I have suffered from more serious ones when I was younger. And I gone through those difficult moments, too. Later I will go into more details for those interested.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Posting again

I am back again. A few weeks after my previous post ,and with the help of my doc. I stopped my meds. Since then I managed without meds. The moods are under control and I realized that many feelings I had were the side effects of meds. I don’t recommend others to give us meds. This is my case. I am a little moody at times but who isn’t. I wasn’t able to make use of my mania as I intended but still it helps me to some extend. Rule one learn from the past but never question yourself. In any situation do as you feel right. If the result is not good then change your approach but never ask questions and don’t go over it again and again. The negative feeling of self interrogation makes you stock and repeat it again. I am a new person and others have to accept who I am. Perhaps I have always been this way but acted to please others. Now that I am what I really am I feel much better. Fear is our worst enemy. I still can't get over that but am working on it.
I miss my blogs friends and hope to keep in touch.