Vicissitude: Bipolar Disorder and its ups and downs

This is a diary of present and the past by a man who being Bipolar is just part of his life Each post is in two parts first is everyday diary and second is a kind of continuous diary of my past

Name:

Being Bipolar is just part of my life.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Equal and opposite

Long time no posts, I know. Last week for two days I experienced deep depletion. As you know I am drug free under my doctor supervision. Second day was hell but with the help of guide lights I went through and life proceeded as normal. And next few days, yes mania. First night I was bombarded with running thoughts of all kinds but still bore in mind that I should get hold of them and channeled them towards more practical and realistic creations. The energy is inside and being used to my advantage. Outside I show this with care. People don’t understand this sudden shift of spirit. And what they see as my mood is a normal rise and fall. I am using this situation to go ahead with plans I had before. And I am studying an art in evening classes. I am now louder and more convincing regarding my business. And I don’t intend to restrain and put in chain this God given gift. But only controlling it to match everyday life and the people around me. Now I notice it is not only the mood that changes, but also the personality. And I think, and hope that this is real me. It appears that our real creative and free personality stops functioning properly under the pressure of many fears and restrictions built up during our life. I don’t want to go into details here but outline the matter for those who follow.
What we experience as Bipolar Disorder is actually something that has always existed not only in us but also in others. It is just gone out of control and in some cases I believe is the result of many years being under pressure of unwanted limitations imposed on our natural selves.
Now I know many normal persons who have always been in high mood. Like what we experience when in mania. They are known for such personality. They are loud, direct and active. But what looks abnormal about us is that we are known as completely different person prior to the new situation. And on the other hand we can not handle the sudden change ourselves. Or in other words we are feeling great but are not ready to deal with this new personality. What follows is our reaction to this new situation, at least most of it. I am not against medication when it is seen necessary by a doctor but if there is medication it should be lighter than what many doctors prescribe.
There is a saying "what goes up comes down". It is true. It is actually a very simple truth.
A drug addict (I have experienced it myself) for example. Derives what we simply call here positive energy from within him with the use of an outside stimulus. What goes up must come down. Equal and opposite feeling is followed and he has to compensate for over use of his energies. He is now hungry but because he has over enjoyed eating pleasure his hunger is much stronger that a normal person. And this time he has to eat more. He is now one step higher in use of the outside stimulus. And the equal opposite is now stronger. That is what happens with high dose of medication.
There are natural and lighter outside stimulus that are used all the time. Art is one. Music for example.
So far I haven’t been able to maintain a perfect monotonous mood all the time but who ever has?? But I am able to control and use the energy I feel during my mania. I have installed a valve. And for the depression. I believe we have to go through it as much and as far as it does not endanger our lives or relationships. Medication helps but in controlled and rational doses.
When someone loses a family member or a close friend. One is in deep grievance. It is recommended not to put the person under strong medication and that the person must live through it otherwise the oppressed feelings will in future damage everything. YOU HAVE TO FACE IT. They say.
Here also I say I have to face it and go through it so that the energy release is slowed down rather that oppressed causing future sudden releases.

3 Comments:

Blogger Paulo Gama said...

HI FROM PORTUGAL
NICE BLOG
VISIT ME ON MY BLOG TOO
:)

June 10, 2006 9:01 AM  
Blogger José Alberto Mostardinha said...

Hi:

Nice blog.

Mais uma amiga visita,
...como não podia deixar de ser,
Agradeço o teu precioso comentário,
Que no Estados Gerais gostarei de lêr!

Um abraço,

August 04, 2006 5:00 PM  
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February 25, 2009 8:15 PM  

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