Vicissitude: Bipolar Disorder and its ups and downs

This is a diary of present and the past by a man who being Bipolar is just part of his life Each post is in two parts first is everyday diary and second is a kind of continuous diary of my past

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Being Bipolar is just part of my life.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Nothing

There are so many beliefs and ideas about death. My attitude changes all the time. Sometimes I believe there is something beyond and there are experiences after death and sometimes I just arrive at that there is pure nothingness. A switch turns off and…. Nothing. Last night I went to a funeral. My old friend's brother. A fit, non smoker, mentally sound positive man of fifty. With a perfect family life.
I remember when I was nine, once I thought about death and my own death. I cried for myself that day. It does sound funny. Last night I thought about it again. What concerned me was people reactions. Then what matters when I am not there.
People attending the funeral start by showing their sorrow and then when they are settled they start talking about their everyday life. And they are happy to see old friends and family members.
Amongst the people I met where those I had met years before. The children where now young and others had grown old. Knowing their family backgrounds and from what I gathered I thought how family life can shape our future. How we are brought up is so important. I had lost so many valuable years of my life going round a circle only because of my past. But in every one of us there is the intellectual me who knows what is right and what is right. Instead of losing time I'd better start bringing myself up one more time and be my own parent. Or perhaps the best thing is just to float and just live.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

very nice of you to post your ideas ,self experiences.
after looking through the compyter for a couple hours your sight has been more helpful.
im not sure if i have bipolar
or just have extreme high low periods. alchol dont help but i can drink and keep it cool sometimes but 10% of the time i freakout. lost jobs and the love of my life not because alchol because the symptoms ive been reading about on similar web sites . thanx, youre writings have given me insight. thanks again

August 13, 2007 2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Radin,
your thought patterns and strategies utilized to help in over coming those cyclical times are a sound theraputic approach . . .

Is there a key in finding out what illusions { delusions ] are meant to be thought of . . .

bob

January 06, 2008 2:43 PM  

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