Vicissitude: Bipolar Disorder and its ups and downs

This is a diary of present and the past by a man who being Bipolar is just part of his life Each post is in two parts first is everyday diary and second is a kind of continuous diary of my past


Being Bipolar is just part of my life.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

My experiences

Well I have started an issue and just can’t leave it at that. But please remember these are my own experience and the ways and techniques used are adopted from many different sources to help me build things up. So it is just to show the direction and the means remain with individuals. The result is what I am now. Med free (almost! I use meds in times of need and emergencies like other people using pain killers when needed) bipolar living amongst the same people I used to and being more mindfully settled than many of them.
First. I realized that what I do, how I do it and the reactions I have towards everyday stimulus is part of the way my outside personality is shaped. I got that idea out of this question that I asked myself. “what is the difference between me and ….. .?” that person is living in the same place or town as I do. And under the same pressures. And I do not believe the universe is treating us differently. So, the difference must come from within.
So I have to rebuilt my outside personality. And stop saying to myself, “I am this and that because my mother, father or my family conditioned me this way. Suppose that is all right, what now? Now I am old enough to be my own parents and bring myself up. And instead of considering my parents my enemy I even thank them for helping me grow up in the best way they were able to do.
Building personality does not start by demolishing what you are. It is done step by step replacing things that are working against us. Bearing in mind all the principal elements which are bad are actually deformed positive elements. For example selfishness, it is the deformed positive element of Pride. Fear, awareness. And so on.
So just fighting them or taking them out by the root will do more damage than it would do good.
I started by FEAR. The cancerous shape of awareness (which can protect us). Fear: The enemy that we obey because of itself in the first place.
Fear of being a bipolar. Fear of ….. .
In doing so I needed a firm stand. Something I can depend on all the time. So I chose God. You can use your own stand. It is not what the ideology is. Some use Zen, Meditations and etc. Some other things. But not cults. It should be something firm. Something that has proved to be working for others. Something with a history behind it. Even universal energy. You name it.
That is it for now. I will continue depending on feedbacks.


Anonymous karly said...

Please can you do the next entry! I cannot wait any longer...I know I did NOT respond the first time I read it, but I thought the next entry would be forthcoming. hope you are OK and will continue your blog. You are intriguing.

April 06, 2007 2:11 PM  

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