The Hard Way Up
I want to share the basis on which I balance. It comes from my own experiences and the books I have read. It is a simple fact but believing in it is hard. Imagine a lake full of water a lake with no input or out put the amount of water there is always the same. Now there are forces that help the water to go on higher ground and in the process it gains potential energy. Then the water is released and with the current the energy stored is used up. This is obtained by the fact that the water is always seeking to balance and settle were it came from. Let me explain. For every action that causes imbalance there exits and must be an opposite flow in the opposite direction.
We know this by heart and by our nature. For example we do hard exercises that make us thirsty and tired. We impose this excessive pressure on ourselves because we know there follows thirst and tiredness. A thirst to be satisfied and we enjoy drinking water and we enjoy the shower afterwards and the rest we give to our body. By this we are balancing our body to the point it was in the first place and we are using this transfer to have enjoyment. So there exists opposite flow of feelings when the balance is disturbed. Even in a normal situation when we are feeling well and happy we must realize that there will soon or later be an opposite feeling. With us bipolars when we experiencing mania. The feeling of the up lifting is an outside stimulus caused by the chemical imbalance but the compensation we have to pay by our own limited material. And we experience the opposite direction feeling of depression. It is like having good feeling using drugs. The good feeling is followed by a downfall but the downfall process uses up our own limited resources of energy. To compensate what is lost we have or feel the need to use the drug again and this time since we have lost our limited resource we need to use more drug to get to where we have been before. A close vicious circle and a losing battle. Now in fighting the depression or let us call it the bad feeling we use medication which is good because it also is an outside stimulus. But it should be just enough to overcome the bad feeling and if it is more than that then in return for that extra good feeling the drug gave us we have to use our resources. I know it is hard to make sure we are having the right amount of drug and I am not we can be 100% successful in obtaining it but here are the facts.
Now if we experience the elevation which we call here the good feeling we aught to put a control on it (not fight it since that will cause an opposite reaction later on) just control the flow. Now in both cases the drugs should not be stronger than the feelings but there should be left an empty space for our own efforts to cope with them. To put off small fire a glass of water would do fine we do not need a pool of water.
It is like when the drug addicts try to give us. They must face and live up to the agony of the bad feelings and suffer in order to get back in natural balance.
In the movie "the beautiful mind" if I remember the title correctly, the imaginary characters still existed but were ignored by him. He learnt how to deal with them and lead a normal life. We are going to have a hard time but it is worth it. At the moment the depression is there for me. I do not fight it because it will bite back harder so I just ignore it and go on with my life. Now I feel it to be a creature that is getting smaller and smaller every time. I might even pity for it.
Next time I will explain more and I will recommend a book to read or find information about the context in the Net.
We know this by heart and by our nature. For example we do hard exercises that make us thirsty and tired. We impose this excessive pressure on ourselves because we know there follows thirst and tiredness. A thirst to be satisfied and we enjoy drinking water and we enjoy the shower afterwards and the rest we give to our body. By this we are balancing our body to the point it was in the first place and we are using this transfer to have enjoyment. So there exists opposite flow of feelings when the balance is disturbed. Even in a normal situation when we are feeling well and happy we must realize that there will soon or later be an opposite feeling. With us bipolars when we experiencing mania. The feeling of the up lifting is an outside stimulus caused by the chemical imbalance but the compensation we have to pay by our own limited material. And we experience the opposite direction feeling of depression. It is like having good feeling using drugs. The good feeling is followed by a downfall but the downfall process uses up our own limited resources of energy. To compensate what is lost we have or feel the need to use the drug again and this time since we have lost our limited resource we need to use more drug to get to where we have been before. A close vicious circle and a losing battle. Now in fighting the depression or let us call it the bad feeling we use medication which is good because it also is an outside stimulus. But it should be just enough to overcome the bad feeling and if it is more than that then in return for that extra good feeling the drug gave us we have to use our resources. I know it is hard to make sure we are having the right amount of drug and I am not we can be 100% successful in obtaining it but here are the facts.
Now if we experience the elevation which we call here the good feeling we aught to put a control on it (not fight it since that will cause an opposite reaction later on) just control the flow. Now in both cases the drugs should not be stronger than the feelings but there should be left an empty space for our own efforts to cope with them. To put off small fire a glass of water would do fine we do not need a pool of water.
It is like when the drug addicts try to give us. They must face and live up to the agony of the bad feelings and suffer in order to get back in natural balance.
In the movie "the beautiful mind" if I remember the title correctly, the imaginary characters still existed but were ignored by him. He learnt how to deal with them and lead a normal life. We are going to have a hard time but it is worth it. At the moment the depression is there for me. I do not fight it because it will bite back harder so I just ignore it and go on with my life. Now I feel it to be a creature that is getting smaller and smaller every time. I might even pity for it.
Next time I will explain more and I will recommend a book to read or find information about the context in the Net.
posted by Radin | 12:36 AM
1 Comments:
hi radin,
thanks for your kind words. this was an excellent post! 2 books i'd recommend are: Detour, its written by a 20something female who interviewed bipolar individuals across the country. the other is: An Unquiet Mind & I forget the author. It's an autobiography by a psychologist who is also bipolar, an amazing story.
i think stigma is an issue i want to start addressing. i'm glad you're talking so opening about bipolar disorder.we really need to! don't forget about the bipolar webring, k?
great writing.
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