Smile
My brother replied to my message and I sent him an answer. After that, dead silence from his part. I do not know the reason and well he has not visited my blog. Not interested I guess. But today I sent him yet another message and said in it everyday things and some of my opinions on people we both know. The only person left for me who cares and keeps up with me is my sister. Other connections seam to be ONE way. Well I do not much care really. I have my online friends. And most important I have myself! I should care for myself much more. It may seam a little selfish but I realized loving oneself is needed in some respect. Self-confidence I believe is not something that can be reached by repeating good positive words to oneself. It has to have some basis so I am trying to find positive things that already exist in me. I criticize myself too often and it is not good. Another thing I need is independence. Not to say that I intend to isolate myself, no. I feel more balanced than a few days ago. My doctor has moderated my meds a bit and I take just as much as I need and this helps me not to be addicted to them though Alpraz I understand if quitted or missed more than one dose gives me problem. I not only feel normal but to look at the bright side of it this disorder has given me another edge and thought me things I had never known otherwise. I get most use out of being elevated and try to control my using this energy by installing a kind of mental valve to use the potential energy it gives me. I have learnt to act normal when I am down and this acting helps me to get up again faster than before. Like forcing a smile on my face while I am depressed down to my soul. I do not have many years to live and I do not want to waste it on pitying myself for being down and that I lack this and that and asking questions like “Why Me?”.
I heard this somewhere in a film or so I can’t remember. “everyone in a set situation feels afraid even the hero but Turn your fear to anger and use the anger to move on.” It went something like this. Surly you get what I mean. I had a telephone call from work. My secretary said that we have received answer to our inquiry from one of our suppliers. I made a telephone call from home to China and talked to the girl in charge and also talked to her husband. Last time I visited China they were engaged to be married. I congratulated them and then talked some business. I will write more about my visits to China if you are interested in my next posts.
( My wife has just come back from her Yoga classes. )
Something I found interesting about my doctor is that he believes in ghosts and he says it has been recently proved by scientific experiments. And he also believes energies around us are responsible for many feelings we have. It is the first time I see a doctor believing things like this and admitting it. Our relationship seams an interesting one in a way that he also spends some time talking about himself, his ideas and his problems and beliefs. Anytime I visit him we talk for hours and other patients wait for their turns and his secretary keeps bringing the files to say that people are waiting outside. Well he is a nice guy apart from being a doctor.
I just can’t help writing long posts. Well it is time to go for now. I leave you with the second part.
New life
Having to experience things on his own, Radin had really hard time to adapt to the new environment. As explained he had to face things in life especially at the ages between 14 to 17 on his own. And being naïve and inexperienced caused a lot of misunderstandings and problems later in his life. He had had no one to help him learn about new changes which were taking place in him. In many ways he got things the wrong way. This lead to complications, this and the fact that he had been under attack of sarcasm and mistreatment by other members of his family.
He lived in a family and that gave him a good feeling. Since he was at the first stages of becoming an adult and saw the world from the eyes of a teenager, he soon started to not only understand the substance of his surroundings but also he sort of felt he belonged to that place somehow. He always wanted to get to the core of things. Soon after a few months he had to find a job in order to support himself. With that started his long hard working experience. He worked and studied both at the same time. The work was hard and the pay was low. He was loved by his classmates for his energetic ways and for his sense of humor. He made many good friends who never lost contact in later life. But all in all he felt sort of lonely.
I heard this somewhere in a film or so I can’t remember. “everyone in a set situation feels afraid even the hero but Turn your fear to anger and use the anger to move on.” It went something like this. Surly you get what I mean. I had a telephone call from work. My secretary said that we have received answer to our inquiry from one of our suppliers. I made a telephone call from home to China and talked to the girl in charge and also talked to her husband. Last time I visited China they were engaged to be married. I congratulated them and then talked some business. I will write more about my visits to China if you are interested in my next posts.
( My wife has just come back from her Yoga classes. )
Something I found interesting about my doctor is that he believes in ghosts and he says it has been recently proved by scientific experiments. And he also believes energies around us are responsible for many feelings we have. It is the first time I see a doctor believing things like this and admitting it. Our relationship seams an interesting one in a way that he also spends some time talking about himself, his ideas and his problems and beliefs. Anytime I visit him we talk for hours and other patients wait for their turns and his secretary keeps bringing the files to say that people are waiting outside. Well he is a nice guy apart from being a doctor.
I just can’t help writing long posts. Well it is time to go for now. I leave you with the second part.
New life
Having to experience things on his own, Radin had really hard time to adapt to the new environment. As explained he had to face things in life especially at the ages between 14 to 17 on his own. And being naïve and inexperienced caused a lot of misunderstandings and problems later in his life. He had had no one to help him learn about new changes which were taking place in him. In many ways he got things the wrong way. This lead to complications, this and the fact that he had been under attack of sarcasm and mistreatment by other members of his family.
He lived in a family and that gave him a good feeling. Since he was at the first stages of becoming an adult and saw the world from the eyes of a teenager, he soon started to not only understand the substance of his surroundings but also he sort of felt he belonged to that place somehow. He always wanted to get to the core of things. Soon after a few months he had to find a job in order to support himself. With that started his long hard working experience. He worked and studied both at the same time. The work was hard and the pay was low. He was loved by his classmates for his energetic ways and for his sense of humor. He made many good friends who never lost contact in later life. But all in all he felt sort of lonely.
posted by Radin | 2:40 PM
2 Comments:
Good to hear that you are feeling more balanced after the med change. It feels so good when the meds seem to work properly, doesn't it.
It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your doc. I was surprised to read that he believes in ghosts and such. How interesting.
Radin,
I enjoy relating to your moods and med changes. It is nice to know we are not alone. Your doctor sounds fasinating. I think you are lucky to have him.
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