The abundant positive energy around us

Kindness I found we can buy real cheap. For example the ticket person at the Metro. She knows me by now and when I buy the ticket we exchange smiles and sometimes a how are you today. Or the newspaper man, we even exchange a few light jokes about everyday matters. These little relationships matter.
There is a kind of energy around us that we can use with the help of others and we can help them use it. That is why distance here is not important. Because this energy doesn't have to be transmitted, it is there everywhere around us. People just trigger it to be absorbed. That is why when you hear a nice comment and or good wish from so far away you feel good. I believe you can still get this energy even if you do not actually know about it. I mean if the person has good feelings towards you. Well I have maybe gone too far in this but at least it is what I would like to believe.

I am working on a theory (By a PHD) of psychological causation called "The Paradox of Pleasure and Relativity" and it really works for me. It is kind of contrary to all methods I have studied and it works on the basis of negative causation. In short, it says that our energy is limited and the feelings we get is the work of stimulus that make the potential energy ready to work. You enjoy food because you have gone through a negative feeling of hunger. Or you go to sauna and withstand the heat and actually making it difficult for yourself because you know you will have a pleasurable experience in the cold pool. This he says is also true with psychological issues. So I think mood changes in normal situations are happening to make a balance in a day or a week and the stimulus causing them come from outside. In an unnormal situation it comes from inside and lasts too long and is balanced within months. Well these I say not as facts but what I think is happening. A kind of personal opinion really.

I talked to one of my very old friends the other day. We really had a good time talking about good old days and had great laugh. Turning to old regular jokes. I like these regular jokes especially with people whom I have a kind of "Need No Talking Relation". We even joked about who will die first and what the other will do then. He has found one of our elementary school friend F.D. we are going to visit him soon. He is a factory owner now.

A few days back we had a kind of national celebration in which fathers are given presents. What I got was few full loads of washing machines and a full sink of washing up to do and not even a word of congratulates. I am going to thank my wife on that and tell her she shouldn't have gone into so much trouble for me! But really I have given up worrying about things like this.

Today I am going to meet my very old friend from my first year in elementary school, the one I found through the Internet. We were class mates for only one year but we were good buddies then.
I feel so lonely even though I have a family. But then what good is there when there is no real relationship there. It is not even a bad relationship. At least that way I was somehow involved in something but it is neutral. The real friends I have are those I got to know through bloging and here is the only place I can talk, sometimes to myself.
At work, I am involved in so many projects and am busy enough but not much satisfaction out of it. It only keeps me busy. I have the potential to work in more serious environments and I do have the potential. I used to manage a large department dealing with so many employees and numeral contractors. Like an army officer. I must look for a job with more responsibilities.
Have you ever got that feeling that there is something you need and want but you do not know what it is? I have that feeling. Sometimes I think I should bang my head against the wall and see what happens. It couldn't be the meds because I am on lowest dose ever. And only two. And they will be gradually cut to no meds by my doctor when he is back from hospital. He says we give patients meds for panic attacks so that they forget about it and when they do we cut the med. And it also goes for meds for depression.

I sleep well and have real deep dreams. I also use some illegal drugs sometimes which are not good because they are artificial stimulus and I will have to compensate for it by my energy reserves. That is why I do not do it regularly and go through the downs effects.
Good luck to you all and all the best. I love you all.